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Station 04

Anchale Ayngaranesan

From STATION 03

I repeat, the world can adjust.

I unleash the 4 from my transfix and let them go. I smile because I know that when I return to Boomerang, these 4 young adults will do my job.

Because really, look at you, you have survived 100% of your bad days so far. Even if you had your hands and heart broken, you have made it. You are badass.

One little action creates a chain reaction.

 ...

STATION 04

4:05 AM.

This is the last stop. I am in New Delhi, from the sign boards.Did I tell you I am sneaking to Sydney after this for a week for an art workshop on 15th December hosted by @injibiscuit?! I’ll be back though and hey guess what, I am going to go to this dream city in India once I am back and the good news is that you are going to come with me too!

Super excited to be in Delhi now and I only have a day here before I set off on my next journey so my plan for the day is to check in at my Airbnb and stroll the streets of Huaz Khas Village.

12:00 PM.

I am at this café on the lake side of the Deer Park in HuazKhas. The food here is more than great and the interior is amazing, lots of dream catchers and colours. Million thanks to my friend Star, for helping me choose this place and plan my itinerary. Have you checked her articles out on @thehappinessfactory? Star also has a workshop on solo travel on 15thDecember at Mearth Café. Please go if you’re in Chennai!

I sit there waiting for my lunch and I see a young woman, in her late twenties, sipping Thai coffee with condensed milk in the cosiest corner of the café. She was wearing an oversized denim jacket and I couldn’t stop noticing how shallow her eyes looked. The waiter brushes against her by mistake and she shudders and starts taking deep breaths, like she was gasping for oxygen and I knew straight away that this gorgeous lady needed help.

“Can I share the table with you?”, I ask, going near her table and she nods hesitantly.

Me: “You look nice. I feel you look a little like me. I am happy to listen to you if need a ear”, I tell her.

The girl in the café: “How do you know?

I shrug and smile at her.

“I was raped at 5. I havent opened about this to anyone except one friend. Not my parents. I am 26 and it’s not like I have a life time of things to say but I have this never-ending rage inside. I want to do a lot of things, I want to teach, I want to make art, but I somehow do not find enough motivation to push myself through.

I did not even know` what was happening to me when it happened, I only knew I didn’t like it. I kept saying no. and today, I feel guilty that it happened, and I do not know why I feel guilty about it. I feel exhausted, misunderstood, silly and small.

Every time a man talks to me, it gives me shudders. During my early twenties, I was always suicidal and found pleasure in using blade on my fingers. I felt I could be in charge of the pain, and that I could OWN this pain.

Then I started to have the dreams, or rather, nightmares where the whole scene would play in my head like a horror movie. I always shut myself inside the room and avoided all possibilities of meeting people. My parents thought I was weird, and I think they still do to an extent.

Over the last 4 years, I have outgrown this to an extent and now I laugh and try to have fun. But I do not recognize myself. I’ve been going for therapy for a while and it helps.

I looked at the news last week of the doctor being raped and murdered and I want to rebel. But it has also brought back things that I never want to get reminded of and I feel like I probably need to die, and perhaps I would find my justice and closure at least after that”

Okay, the last 5 minutes was a blur to me because in Boomerang, rape does not happen. As much it was heart breaking to listen to her story, I become aware that there are still so many other girls like this gorgeous girl, struggling to get out of post traumatic consequences. In the hope of bringing in at least a little bit of positivity,

 

I transfix my thoughts into her.

 

I am a survivor. And if I am a survivor, I come with a story. I am tired of trying to hide from my story and I am going to use this as a rung to empowering everyone else like me.

I love myself so much, for my scars and for my aches and for my weak laughter and for all other broken pieces.

I need to be in the light to see the real freedom. And I am going to break the stigma about rape.

This is me healing, this is me discovering myself and this is me coming home. I am promising myself today with utmost certainty and merciless conviction that I am worthy of all the goodness and I will make out of the wreckage. I have survived for so long when survival was not even in the options and I deserve to be inspired by my own life. I will rebel against rape, right from now. 

 

I release her from my transfix.

She smiles at me, with tears in her eyes and tells me she is going to tell her parents about what happened and be the face of rape victims.

5:00 PM.

 

(To be continued)



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