Cart 0

Station 07

Anchale Ayngaranesan

From STATION 06 

So, starting now, I am going to let my kids chase their dreams and I am going to set a chain reaction for parents to let their children be themselves, to aspire more and to inspire even more.

I remove the transfix.

She tells her friend’s child,  ‘You will fly high’.

I smile to myself as I dial my friend Ammu.

6:00 AM.

...

STATION 07

It’s been too long, how are you all? I have been quarantined in Jammu along with my friend Ammu for the last three months. Lots of chai and meditation, I could not be more grateful for amazing friends and a roof to stay under.

I might stay here for just another month to make sure there is no “positivity loss” on Earth before I can disappear for a while into the Himalayas.

Yesss! The Himalayas is the final destination of my travel.

As much as it irks me to see the “Earth-ly” people go through this pandemic, I feel that this is one of the coping mechanism of our Universe. Boomerang is disease free, so even the word ‘pandemic’ is completely new to me.

Just like how “some things are always meant to be”, my stay with Ammu has been meaningful. Ammu lost her job as a freelance writer due to the Covid19 crisis. She was alsodiagnosed with a spinal chord problem. All of these crashed on her roof and she got to a point where she assumed that there was no meaning to her life. She has been constantly going for therapies, which is good because we all know that it is OKAY to get help. On performing the DASS 21 test she was identified with extremely severe anxiety and severe depression and was always worrying that her friends/ colleagues would think she was making It all up. She did not even have the will to get up from the bed.

But,  DEPRESSION is real.

IT is not fun. It is dropping an egg down by mistake on the floor, seeing it crack and crying for hours because of it. IT is not colourful. How could she explain depression when she did not understand it herself?

 

I used my superpower of transfixing my thoughts onto her.

 

Today, I promise to myself to not be hard on myself. I will aim to wake up at 8 AM, and tomorrow at 7:30 AM. And if I do fail this, I promise to reward myself with my favourite mud cake. I admit that I am hurt and I am going to STOP pretending that “I AM OKAY”. I did not suddenly wake up and feel hopeless, it was a gradual process that creeped up on me and I am going to work towards finding hope in the smallest of things like a warm cup of milk before going to bed. I want to tell you all that somedays I am sunshine and somedays I am just dust. But it’s okay. Not everyone will understand mental health. People tell me “Is this all that you’re worried about?”, “You are not grateful enough.”.

But honestly the only person who understands my battles is me and when I do not give space for myself to feel better, how can I expect my surrounding to be supportive?

Depression can be debilitating. But from right now, I am going to trust in the process and focus on one small thing at a time. I am going to choose cycling in the flower garden and eating one fruit a day to feel good about my body first.

I am going to start blogging from today because I realise that writing is what feeds my soul.

I am going to write so much, so that it would reach at least 10 other people and make a difference in their lives.

It’s not going to be easy, but what does not kill me should make me stronger isn’t it?

 

I saw Ammu smile right from her heart for the first time in 3 months. A smile without pretence as she open her laptop and started building her website.

I have never been more happier.

Sending you all so much affirmation to TRUST yourself and in the Universe.

It’s okay to not be okay.

 
(To be continued)

 



Older Post Newer Post